It Doesn't Matter Whether You Win or Lose, ...

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how you played the game. Even as a kid growing up on S. Parkway, I knew this was bull. It usually meant you lost. I can see it now. It's Monday Night Football, the game just ended and the announcers say, "Let's go to Andrea Creamer on the sideline with tonight's star, Alan Haynesworth, Andrea...." Andrea: "Alan I noticed you didn't step on any one's head tonight, way to play the game. Alan: "Thanks, Ms. Creamer, the OL had been helping me up all night and I wanted to show my appreciation for their courtesy". Andrea: "Way to play the game, Alan. Back to you, Mike..."

Later in my adult life I heard quote, "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's the point spread that counts" You see, if a team is favored to win by four points and they only win by three, then they lose. Now this has made a lot more sense, until I started playing Fantasy Football.

Now it is no longer about the game, it's about the individual performances. Take the MNF game last night between defending Super Bowl Champion, New Orleans and the Home team, San Francisco 49ers. New Orleans is a four point favorite on the Vegas betting line. If you bet on NO, they have to beat SF by 5 or more points. Going into the game Top Gun has a 30 point lead over Sneaky Mom in the Feature Fantasy Football game in our league. Top Gun's players are through, but Sneaky Mom still has NO's defense and SF running back Frank Gore. Still a huge obstacle to over come. With two minutes left in the game, NO is ahead by eight points and Sneaky Mom is behind by 0.3 and SF has the ball. A NO interception or fumble recovery or a 3 or more yard gain by Frank Gore will be a win for Sneaky Mom. SF is out of time outs and can't stop the clock. They must pass.

The result was classic football, Gore gets 12 yards on an outlet pass and SF goes on to score. NO makes a heroic comeback, kicks a field goal to win by three. SF covered the spread and Sneaky Mom had the FF comeback win of the season based on the performance of Frank Gore. Oh yeah, New Orleans actually won the game.

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Coffee With G Man

It is G Man Time! The Fantasy Football World trembles in his presence. Mother Nature speaks his name.



Aliens from other universes honor his presence.




He is truly the Second Most Interesting Man in the World.


Al Capone had Elliot Ness. Napoleon met Wellington at Waterloo. The Joker had Batman. Wylie Coyote had the road runner. And, Da Family has G Man. Much like the US in post WWII in Germany and Japan after we annihilated the respective armies and regimes, we spent much effort restoring and rebuilding those nations we conquered. In the true American Spirit and after dominating Da Family, The G Man is going to share his knowledge, give advice and critique FF play this year in the true spirit of Sportsmanship.



Everyone is encourage to watch for the Premier of "Coffee With G Man" show and tune in weekly for the soon to be Emmy nominated sports show.

The Top Gun

Top Gun does fly jets for a living and rides a Harley. But, don't let the name fool you. He ain't likely to bring Kelly McGillis home to meet his Maw. Kelly would have already had this family member wasted at a toll booth somewhere. He is probably a lot closer to Sonny Corleone than Tom Cruise.

Top Gun has only been a success recently. He won last year going away and whipped everyone pretty bad in the playoffs. But, until he can demonstrate the consistency of the last four mentioned players will he earn Top Gun as a Title vs. a nickname. Speaking of which, he does lead the league in name changes. He is the only player to have more name changes than waiver wire transactions. He can get alot better if he observes and learns from superior players. He can start with his "Spades" game or maybe painting condos. He has drafted well this year and has shown potential. He is on the short list as a possible successor to G Man if he continues to improve.

He likes the color fuchsia and has a butterfly collection.

Top Gun has been voted the second most favorite person to beat.

Vegas Odds: 5:2

The Sneaky Mom

Will the real Sneaky Mom stand up? Who would have thought that the innocent, four-eyed little blonde on the left would turn into the master of disguise above. Not much is known of Sneaky Mom's life in the years in between. No one knows what led her to a life of espionage and intrigue.

There are some rumors of her leading a double life as a Mother by day and a spy by night. The only thing that is known for sure is that she requires little sleep and has been spotted in Walmart in the wee hours of the morning. Most feel that she has abandoned the life of mystery to concentrate on Fantasy Football. It is known that she occasionally reverts back to her clandestine training by spying on her sister's husband and friends only to be disappointed when she found them doing nothing. She was a participant in the Candymig caper and cropped and enhanced photos to make her opponents look bad and her look good.

Sneaky Mom has been one of the more successful players. She has finished in the playoffs every year. Every year she has the same game plan. She whines about how bad her teams are, how little she knows about football, how her job keeps her from studying, her computer doesn't work, her electricity is out, her husband intimidates her, she doesn't want to beat her baby boys and then will go for your juggler. Like all members of Da Family she is extremely competitive and combative. Many outsiders believe that she is actually Da Family "Boss". She uses that little blonde Daddy's girls to get your guard down and the next thing you know, you are down 40 points. A player to beat every year. Don't let the raven wig fool you, 'cause no one knows what color her roots really are.

Her nanner puddin' is better than anything Aunt Bea ever made. She is a James Bond in a Martha Stewart apron.

Vegas Odds: 5:1

Next: The Top Gun

The Aunt

The Aunt has been competitive. She plays the game with the same reckless abandon that she shows driving her car and falling over things.

The Aunt, aka Crash, Beach Bums and Candy, is devious. She has been a poor role model for her niece and other family members. She was the instigator of the infamous CandyMig.

She is one of the first to go into protective mode when Da Family members are attacked (Unless it is Coach or Pilot). Her enemies refer to her as "Attila the Hen". (Behind her Back)

The Aunt won the first FF championship and is usually a contender. She works hard and stays up all night watching the waiver wire.

She likes dogs and dancing in the rain. A recovering smoker that can be dangerous at times. She once had a real job as a bean counter.

Her beach house was destroyed in Hurricane Ike, but, was one of the first to rebuild on Bolivar Peninsula. A staunch animal rights activist, she has purchased her own burial plot in the pet cemetary off Spindletop Rd.

Vegas Odds: 10:1

Next: Sneaky Mom

The Princess

The Princess has shown signs of being a competitor. The first year she had the best record through 14 games but lost two straight in the playoff. The following year she won to become the second straight woman to win the championship.

Her success does not come as a surprise as she doesn't do anything but study players and teams day and night. Plus the first year she was able to orchestrate some rather lopsided trades with The Pilot. It was these trades that led to the computer guy challenging the integrity of the league and the unity of Da Family becoming public. Weaker players backed away and let them run rough shod over the league. She consistently leads the league in waiver wire transactions.

Last year with tighter league rules and more public scrutiny, The Princess performance returned to mediocrity.

She has a fabulous beach house and cooks some mean ribs

Vegas Odds: 15:1

Next: The Aunt

The Kicker

The kicker, a former all state high school football player and a four year punter/kicker for Sam Houston State.

"Da Family" spent four years following his career all over the world,including visits to Missoula, Montana. I believed they turned to FF after experiencing letdown from real football.

Anyway, the Kicker is now coaching full time and has only limited time for FF. His dedication to his real job is evidenced in his performance on the FF field. The only time he made the playoffs was when "The Coach" threw a game enabling "The Kicker" to obtain the final spot.

He may perform better this year since he was unavailable during the draft and let the computer pick his team.

Vegas Odds: 50:1

The Pilot

The Pilot has been a consistent lower tier competitor.

He has never made the championship bracket and usually plays second fiddle to his wife. He fancies himself a great fisherman, but, who am I to argue.

He is more of a soldier in Da Family, but is a made man as evidenced by some of the shady trades pulled off in year one.

The Pilot is not figured to be a contender this year as the stress leading up to the draft has already caused him health problems requiring surgery.

He flies an Air Bus for his day job.

He does possess a really cool photo of his beach house right after Hurricane Ike. It was taken with the helicopter "Marine One" in the foreground carrying a real President.

That impresses me, but not his FF play.

Vegas odds to win it all: 75:1

Next: The Kicker

The Coach

The coach usually finishes last. Based on his 2010 draft he is heading for another losing season.

You would think that a former college athlete would fair better in fantasy football, but, no such thing. Coach led the charge in the first year to run off the "new guy" and was instrumental in eliminating the monetary prize to the winner. Since then the league plays for pride. He is the only player to win two trophies in the same year.

He has had difficulty concentrating on the game as he has spent most of his time trying to figure out what happened to his golf cart that washed away in Hurricane Ike.

The coach is a good cook and he does have a penchant for attracting good looking women.

Vegas Odds: 100:1

Meet Da Family: The Kid

The kid, aka, C men and Soon 2 B Champ has been a steady player. He has finished fifth the last two years and had some upset wins that hurt the leaders. Like his room mate, Angel, he has kept a low profile and not stirred up a lot of trouble.

He had a good draft and is projected to be in the championship bracket this year.

On a personal note, the kid, is the youngest member of "Da Family". I don't believe he is aware of "Da Family Business" as he appears to be nice and quiet.

He spent two summers going door to door handing out religious literature and plans to be a minister. He just finished a two year mission working as a bartender while dating a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

Vegas Odds: 150:1

Next: The Coach

Meet the Players: The Rogue Players

The hhfamilyfootball league has always had ten teams. Eight of the positions have been filled by the same players from the beginning. The ninth position has been stable the last three years. But, there has been some turnover. The first year the "New Guy" was a seasoned FF player and acted as commissioner. He was very knowledgeable competitor. Only problem was he tried to play by the Marques of Queens berry Rules while the rest of the players were cage fighting. He almost quit in the middle of the season, but stuck it out. Later he moved out of the country (TEXAS).


That same year we were introduced to "Candymig". (picture) This team was a concoction of two other family members. They were busted at the end of the season, but not before they orchestrated some favorable personnel moves with the fictitious player.


The next year some guy from Idaho played. His name was Spud or Tater or Legume or some high carb name. I don't know if he was friends with one of the other players or just got in our league by accident. He didn't do well so he wasn't an issue.


Last year another new guy entered. Angel kept his mouth shut and maintained a low profile. A significant attribute to compete against "Da Family". The fact that he has elected to play a second year shows he has some huevos. The true test will come when he starts competing for a championship.

Vegas Odds: 200:1

Next: The Kid

The hhfamilyfootball Fantasy League

Five years ago I thought Fantasy Football was a waste of time. Today, I still believe it is a waste of time, but, it is fun. Habit forming might be a better description. It's a way for us former jocks to compete with the young studs (and studettes) and rejuvenate the old competitive spirit.

Four years ago I was talked into joining a league with some friends. As it turned out the league consisted of myself, a young guy that had some computer savvy and knew how to set the league up and "Da Family".(pictured)

As the first season progressed it became clear that this was no ordinary family (You will get to meet them individually in upcoming posts). They were cut throat competitors. They harassed each other, accused other members of cheating, smack talked and on and on. Until, the young non-family computer guy called their hand on some improprieties. They turned on him like a bread crumb falling in a fire ant bed. He did manage to finish the season, but, vowed to never play with the family again. He felt so threatened that he moved all the way to the East Coast. There was a rumor that he had joined FFA (Fantasy Football Anonymous)

Well the fifth season starts next week and I have managed to remain in the league as a non family member. However, the computer guys spot has experienced considerable turnover. The draft has been completed without incident. Let the fun begin