It Doesn't Matter Whether You Win or Lose, ...

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how you played the game. Even as a kid growing up on S. Parkway, I knew this was bull. It usually meant you lost. I can see it now. It's Monday Night Football, the game just ended and the announcers say, "Let's go to Andrea Creamer on the sideline with tonight's star, Alan Haynesworth, Andrea...." Andrea: "Alan I noticed you didn't step on any one's head tonight, way to play the game. Alan: "Thanks, Ms. Creamer, the OL had been helping me up all night and I wanted to show my appreciation for their courtesy". Andrea: "Way to play the game, Alan. Back to you, Mike..."

Later in my adult life I heard quote, "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's the point spread that counts" You see, if a team is favored to win by four points and they only win by three, then they lose. Now this has made a lot more sense, until I started playing Fantasy Football.

Now it is no longer about the game, it's about the individual performances. Take the MNF game last night between defending Super Bowl Champion, New Orleans and the Home team, San Francisco 49ers. New Orleans is a four point favorite on the Vegas betting line. If you bet on NO, they have to beat SF by 5 or more points. Going into the game Top Gun has a 30 point lead over Sneaky Mom in the Feature Fantasy Football game in our league. Top Gun's players are through, but Sneaky Mom still has NO's defense and SF running back Frank Gore. Still a huge obstacle to over come. With two minutes left in the game, NO is ahead by eight points and Sneaky Mom is behind by 0.3 and SF has the ball. A NO interception or fumble recovery or a 3 or more yard gain by Frank Gore will be a win for Sneaky Mom. SF is out of time outs and can't stop the clock. They must pass.

The result was classic football, Gore gets 12 yards on an outlet pass and SF goes on to score. NO makes a heroic comeback, kicks a field goal to win by three. SF covered the spread and Sneaky Mom had the FF comeback win of the season based on the performance of Frank Gore. Oh yeah, New Orleans actually won the game.

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Coffee With G Man

It is G Man Time! The Fantasy Football World trembles in his presence. Mother Nature speaks his name.



Aliens from other universes honor his presence.




He is truly the Second Most Interesting Man in the World.


Al Capone had Elliot Ness. Napoleon met Wellington at Waterloo. The Joker had Batman. Wylie Coyote had the road runner. And, Da Family has G Man. Much like the US in post WWII in Germany and Japan after we annihilated the respective armies and regimes, we spent much effort restoring and rebuilding those nations we conquered. In the true American Spirit and after dominating Da Family, The G Man is going to share his knowledge, give advice and critique FF play this year in the true spirit of Sportsmanship.



Everyone is encourage to watch for the Premier of "Coffee With G Man" show and tune in weekly for the soon to be Emmy nominated sports show.

The Top Gun

Top Gun does fly jets for a living and rides a Harley. But, don't let the name fool you. He ain't likely to bring Kelly McGillis home to meet his Maw. Kelly would have already had this family member wasted at a toll booth somewhere. He is probably a lot closer to Sonny Corleone than Tom Cruise.

Top Gun has only been a success recently. He won last year going away and whipped everyone pretty bad in the playoffs. But, until he can demonstrate the consistency of the last four mentioned players will he earn Top Gun as a Title vs. a nickname. Speaking of which, he does lead the league in name changes. He is the only player to have more name changes than waiver wire transactions. He can get alot better if he observes and learns from superior players. He can start with his "Spades" game or maybe painting condos. He has drafted well this year and has shown potential. He is on the short list as a possible successor to G Man if he continues to improve.

He likes the color fuchsia and has a butterfly collection.

Top Gun has been voted the second most favorite person to beat.

Vegas Odds: 5:2

The Sneaky Mom

Will the real Sneaky Mom stand up? Who would have thought that the innocent, four-eyed little blonde on the left would turn into the master of disguise above. Not much is known of Sneaky Mom's life in the years in between. No one knows what led her to a life of espionage and intrigue.

There are some rumors of her leading a double life as a Mother by day and a spy by night. The only thing that is known for sure is that she requires little sleep and has been spotted in Walmart in the wee hours of the morning. Most feel that she has abandoned the life of mystery to concentrate on Fantasy Football. It is known that she occasionally reverts back to her clandestine training by spying on her sister's husband and friends only to be disappointed when she found them doing nothing. She was a participant in the Candymig caper and cropped and enhanced photos to make her opponents look bad and her look good.

Sneaky Mom has been one of the more successful players. She has finished in the playoffs every year. Every year she has the same game plan. She whines about how bad her teams are, how little she knows about football, how her job keeps her from studying, her computer doesn't work, her electricity is out, her husband intimidates her, she doesn't want to beat her baby boys and then will go for your juggler. Like all members of Da Family she is extremely competitive and combative. Many outsiders believe that she is actually Da Family "Boss". She uses that little blonde Daddy's girls to get your guard down and the next thing you know, you are down 40 points. A player to beat every year. Don't let the raven wig fool you, 'cause no one knows what color her roots really are.

Her nanner puddin' is better than anything Aunt Bea ever made. She is a James Bond in a Martha Stewart apron.

Vegas Odds: 5:1

Next: The Top Gun

The Aunt

The Aunt has been competitive. She plays the game with the same reckless abandon that she shows driving her car and falling over things.

The Aunt, aka Crash, Beach Bums and Candy, is devious. She has been a poor role model for her niece and other family members. She was the instigator of the infamous CandyMig.

She is one of the first to go into protective mode when Da Family members are attacked (Unless it is Coach or Pilot). Her enemies refer to her as "Attila the Hen". (Behind her Back)

The Aunt won the first FF championship and is usually a contender. She works hard and stays up all night watching the waiver wire.

She likes dogs and dancing in the rain. A recovering smoker that can be dangerous at times. She once had a real job as a bean counter.

Her beach house was destroyed in Hurricane Ike, but, was one of the first to rebuild on Bolivar Peninsula. A staunch animal rights activist, she has purchased her own burial plot in the pet cemetary off Spindletop Rd.

Vegas Odds: 10:1

Next: Sneaky Mom

The Princess

The Princess has shown signs of being a competitor. The first year she had the best record through 14 games but lost two straight in the playoff. The following year she won to become the second straight woman to win the championship.

Her success does not come as a surprise as she doesn't do anything but study players and teams day and night. Plus the first year she was able to orchestrate some rather lopsided trades with The Pilot. It was these trades that led to the computer guy challenging the integrity of the league and the unity of Da Family becoming public. Weaker players backed away and let them run rough shod over the league. She consistently leads the league in waiver wire transactions.

Last year with tighter league rules and more public scrutiny, The Princess performance returned to mediocrity.

She has a fabulous beach house and cooks some mean ribs

Vegas Odds: 15:1

Next: The Aunt

The Kicker

The kicker, a former all state high school football player and a four year punter/kicker for Sam Houston State.

"Da Family" spent four years following his career all over the world,including visits to Missoula, Montana. I believed they turned to FF after experiencing letdown from real football.

Anyway, the Kicker is now coaching full time and has only limited time for FF. His dedication to his real job is evidenced in his performance on the FF field. The only time he made the playoffs was when "The Coach" threw a game enabling "The Kicker" to obtain the final spot.

He may perform better this year since he was unavailable during the draft and let the computer pick his team.

Vegas Odds: 50:1